Henry Youngman, American comedian, 1906-1998
I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four oclock.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami. She said, We can't do that! I told her, You did it last week!
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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¶ 6/23/2005 09:55:00 AM
